


AREA MAN STARTS TRIAD, CONSEQUENCES INCLUDE CRIPPLING FEAR OF COMMITMENT, FELINE BETRAYAL AND WHITE PEOPLE JOKES

by breathtaken



Series: Ficbait [3]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Depression, Multi, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 19:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14722092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathtaken/pseuds/breathtaken
Summary: [Aramis, 09:40]This is my third article about Game of Thrones this week someone kill me[Porthos, 09:42]10 reasons the Stark sisters are better than everyone else[Aramis, 09:44]Every time. The neckbeards get so mad it’s fantastic for my engagement figures





	AREA MAN STARTS TRIAD, CONSEQUENCES INCLUDE CRIPPLING FEAR OF COMMITMENT, FELINE BETRAYAL AND WHITE PEOPLE JOKES

[Aramis, 10:04] _Guys I did it_

[Aramis, 10:04] _I got the job_

[Porthos, 10:06] _omg congrats babe!!!_

[Porthos, 10:06] _When do you start_

[Aramis, 10:11] _First week of September. Only three mornings a week but I'll still have plenty of time to work on my own stuff_

[Athos, 10:21] _Congratulations :)_

[Athos, 10:21] _Let's celebrate_

[Porthos, 10:24] _Poster paint, custard or baked beans?_

[Athos, 10:24] _On second thoughts let's not celebrate_

[Athos, 10:25] _I think I still have some hair to wash_

 

* * *

 

Porthos isn’t _like_ Aramis, not really. But over the last few months they’ve become something of a double-act, Athos the punchline, the straight man (ha). The man apart.

That’s not the problem.

The actual problems, in no particular order, include:

  * 6 months and Aramis still isn’t sleeping around
  * Aramis got a real job (teaching?!)
  * Working with Porthos/Being out at work??
  * ~~Sex~~
  * For fuck’s sake this is private, can’t you just be honest for once in your pitiful existence
  * Sex



The truth is that sex, for Athos, has never been that important. Not _after,_  at least; he remembers describing himself and Aramis to Porthos as ‘fuck buddies’ early in their acquaintance, but even at the time he knew it was dishonest. It implied that it was primarily about the fucking, when for him at least, nothing was further from the truth.

The truth was that Aramis... _took liberties,_ liberties that Athos can’t imagine allowing to anyone other than a partner, except that Aramis is Aramis and he’s always played by his own rules.

But now there is Porthos too, and Athos always says Aramis is the impulsive one but really it was him who threw them all into this with no notion of where it was headed, wasn’t it?

He adds:

  * Almost August
  * Me



 

* * *

 

[Porthos, 15:03] _Yours or mine tonight_

[Athos, 15:10] _Yours please_

[Athos, 15:12] _I need an evening off_

[Aramis, 15:17] _Was it something we said_

[Athos, 15:25] _Literally everything ever_

[Athos, 15:26] _Also the new Alan Hollinghurst is calling my name_

[Aramis, 15:29] _Didn’t know you were into that sort of thing_

[Athos, 15:33] _He’s an author you uncultured fuck_

 

* * *

 

Athos doesn’t start the new Alan Hollinghurst, even though he bought it over six weeks ago. Instead he pours a glass of wine and brings the bottle with him, sitting sideways in his favourite chair with his legs hooked over the armrest, and doesn’t bother getting up to turn the light on when it gets dark.

The cat joins him after about an hour, kneading his belly with its claws out and getting hair all over his jeans. “Filthy animal,” he mutters, but chucks it under the chin anyway.

Because Athos is objectively a terrible person, he wonders how many rain checks it will take before Porthos has had enough. Whether they’re talking about him now – he hopes they are, because if there’s any benefit to this polyamory thing, surely it’s having someone else to pick up your slack.

He wonders how Porthos is going to react to August. Perhaps he could take the entire month off work and live in a hermitage, if they still have them.

If he were a normal person, he’d probably worry.

He shoves the cat off his lap and reaches for the bottle.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 09:40] _This is my third article about Game of Thrones this week someone kill me_

[Porthos, 09:42] _10 reasons the Stark sisters are better than everyone else_

[Aramis, 09:44] _Every time. The neckbeards get so mad it’s fantastic for my engagement figures_

[Aramis, 09:45] _I reel them in with an innocuous headline and then it’s all about Sansa_

[Aramis, 09:48] _@Athos are you alive_

[Porthos, 09:52] _He’s at his desk and conscious, can confirm_

[Aramis, 09:54] _Earth to Athos_

[Athos, 09:58] _Some of us are trying to work you know_

[Aramis, 09:59] _Athos has joined the conference_

_[Athos has left the group]_

[Aramis, 10:00] _Athos has left the conference_

 

* * *

 

He should probably be thinking about this. Coming up with a plan. Working out what he _wants,_  or some such nonsense.

Right now he wants never to have set this in motion in the first place, which is neither helpful nor constructive.

 

* * *

 

[ _Private message_ ]

[Aramis, 10:16] _Seriously though are you ok_

[Athos, 10:28] _I’ll be fine_

[Aramis, 10:29] _When will you be fine_

[Athos, 10:44] _September?_

[Aramis, 10:48] _OK well we’re gonna have to talk about your little disappearing act. So get your shit together preferably by tonight_

[Aramis, 10:50] _I love you_

[Athos, 10:55] _You always have had terrible taste_

 

* * *

 

It’s worse than he expected.

Porthos basically starts by saying, “You’d tell us if we’d done something, right?” and Athos hates the question in his voice.

“Yes.” They’re on the sofa, hands clasped; he’s in his chair. The cat has betrayed him in favour of curling up on Porthos’ lap, but Athos decides he can't fault its taste.

“So are you going to tell us what’s going on with you?”

In three years – four – Aramis has never asked. Aramis has always let him be, finding other places to stick his dick for a while until it’s over and they pick up where they left off. But Aramis still isn’t sleeping with other people and Porthos is hurting, and Athos doesn’t know what he expects –

He shrugs.

“I know I started this.” He’d apologise for it if he didn’t already know it would piss Porthos off, make him fierce and earnest and everything Athos doesn’t think he has the wherewithal to deal with right now. “But – sometimes I just need to... _not._ Otherwise it gets too much.”

“Too much,” Porthos repeats, his expression stormy.

“Yes.”

“Look. If you want some time, that’s okay.” _He’s rehearsed this,_ Athos decides, which is a surprisingly shitty feeling. “But I want to know what’s going on with the people I’m dating. Don’t just back off. Deal?”

“Deal,” Athos agrees, though some perverse part of him would like to object.

Something in Porthos’ expression makes him add, “I’m sure Aramis has told you. I – don’t like August.”

If anything, Porthos looks even _less_ impressed. “I want _you_ to tell me.”

“I don’t like August.” Probably, it would only be fair to explain – but he really doesn’t want to deal with, _ugh,_ sympathy or whatever. “Usually I make myself scarce.” Or rather Aramis does, since it’s technically Athos’ flat and Aramis has plenty of other beds where he’s welcome, or did.

It’s Aramis who gets to his feet, Athos unable to stop himself tensing – but he only plants a kiss on Athos’ forehead, feather-light. “Don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

“Okay,” Athos agrees, even though he isn’t sure he knows how.

When they leave, the cat curls up in Porthos’ place on the sofa. Athos stays in his chair.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 11:32] _The real holy grail of clickbait is quizzes. I wish I could do more quizzes_

[Aramis, 11:33] _Tell us your most indispensable kitchen appliance and we’ll tell you your greatest insecurity_

[Aramis, 11:35] _Tell us how you tie your shoelaces and we’ll reveal your ideal investment strategy_

[Porthos, 11:38] _Tell us your birthplace and mother’s maiden name and we’ll predict whether your bank account will be mysteriously emptied in the next 24 hours_

 

* * *

 

Work quickly becomes excruciating. Athos takes to eating at his desk every day, normally with a headset on. Sometimes he says, “Good afternoon, this is Athos,” to nobody for good measure.

He threw his list in the locked confidential recycling bin five minutes after writing it, but it’s imprinted on his brain all the same.

He can _feel_ Porthos, just the other side of his cubicle wall, wondering when he’ll stop being such a fuckup. He wonders when he’ll give up wondering.

_I can’t do this –_

_Then you shouldn’t have started it, should you,_ says a voice in his mind that sounds a lot like Tommy’s.

 

* * *

 

[Athos, 21:14] _4 years ago today my wife left me for my brother_

[Athos, 21:14] _2 weeks later he died of a drug overdose_

[Athos, 21:14] _Don’t say anything_

[Athos, 21:15] _Please_

[Aramis, 21:55] _We just saw this babe_

[Aramis, 21:55] _Do you want us to come over_

[Athos, 22:10] _Please don’t_

[Aramis 22:11] _Okay but we’re coming tomorrow_

[Athos, 22:14] _Can I stop you_

[Aramis, 22:16]  _You'd have to change the locks_

[Athos, 22:21] _I really don’t want to talk about it_

[Aramis, 22:25] _That’s fine but we’re coming anyway_

[Aramis, 22:36] _Porthos says try not to get too wankered, you’ve got the office staff meeting tomorrow and you can’t wear sunglasses_

[Aramis, 22:37] _Love you_

 

* * *

 

The next morning Porthos comes over and without a word, pulls Athos into a hug so tight he can hardly breathe.

“I’m not gonna say anything,” he murmurs into Athos’ hair, and Athos nods mutely, throat suddenly thick.

When Porthos goes back to his desk, he feels a little bit lighter.

He may still be a human shitshow, but it’s a start.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 14:48] _Of course the real money these days is in fake news_

[Aramis, 14:49] _Or astroturfing_

[Aramis, 14:52] _Pity I have a conscience_

[Athos, 14:55] _I hear the weather’s nice in Skopje this time of year_

[Porthos, 14:58] _Good exchange rate on the denar_

[Aramis, 15:00] _Okay but actually how about it_

[Aramis, 15:01] _I bet booze is cheap_

[Athos, 15:03] _High speed internet_

[Aramis, 15:05] _Week in the sun?_

[Aramis, 15:06] _Or out of it if you’re Athos_

[Porthos, 15:07] _We can get him some Factor 50_

[Athos, 15:10] _OK but I’m only coming for the diversity points_

[Aramis, 15:11] _No worries you’ll always be our token white guy_

[Aramis, 15:12] _But I draw the line at camping_

[Athos, 15:14] _Now that’s just a stereotype_

 

* * *

 

Perhaps if he doesn’t overthink it, it’ll be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I aten't ded, folks! I have very little time to write these days but the good news is that I do have a few more Musketeers fics I'd like to write at some point. Hopefully some of them will even get finished.


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